Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
