Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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