nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
