I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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