I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
