WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
