On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
