so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
