We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
