I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
