It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
