Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
