We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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