sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
