We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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