Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
