mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
