The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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