I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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