god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
