the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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