This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
