also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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