Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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