He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize