Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
