I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You took a bar mat shot.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You peed on a flamingo?!?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
