I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
