i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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