I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
