My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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