Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize