Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
