Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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