When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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