You can't motorboat a personality
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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