So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
