ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
