More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
