the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize