Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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