they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
