break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
