im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
