u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
