Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
