I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
