White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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