bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
