I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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