i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
