hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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