I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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