So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
