Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
