You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize