I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
