I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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