I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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