I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
