So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
