hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
