He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize