I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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