WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
