Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just want to make out with him forever
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize