i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
