his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
