It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
