We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
