just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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