i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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