You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
