Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
