my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
