im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
