i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
