If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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