what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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