I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
