Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
