i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize