All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
