things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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