I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
