Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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