Someone shit on the floor
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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