Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
