I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
