neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
