3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
