This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
