Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
