as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize