Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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