They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
