i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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