cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
