are you still at the devil's house?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
