...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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