Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
now i know why i became what i already was.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
