Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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