I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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