She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
