Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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