Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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