I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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