i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
