Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
