so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
