apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
