I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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