They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
